Sober people can have a great time on St. Patrick's Day. But most of us don't. Perhaps it's because the annual American-style day of the drunk tends to trigger memories in some of us, of times we were the ones spilling green beer, while slurring our speech.
For me, St. Paddy's is a day to remind everyone within the sound of my internet voice that a plan to not drink, is not the same as not drinking. Why does this matter?
Because if you planned to stay sober and did not. No reason, no excuse, no justification of how small a quantity you consumed during your slip, gives you the right to drive a car after drinking.
St. Patrick's Day traffic accident and fatality statistics are truly horrifying. And most of the victims are sober drivers and passengers whose lives are changed by somebody who thinks (s)he's just fine to drive.
You're not. You can call Typsy Tow in many cities. AAA wants you to get home safe. Uber and many taxi companies will give you a lift as well. Of course, these options presume that you were not planning on drinking. No guilt here. Just get home safe. If you have to pay for a cab, just think of the money you're saving not needing a lawyer, and tip well.
If for some reason you are planning on joining the party, make sure your designated sober driver is REALLY going to stay cold sober all day and night.
At Northstar Guides, the recovery management, mentoring, and monitoring service where I work, we see people on virtually every holiday break down, forget their plan for avoiding alcohol, and then ending up with at least guilt, and often legal troubles because they wanted to cover up their lapse by driving home.
Hint, if you drive INTO your garage, door and all, your family will know about your lapse and it will not be a small, reset and forget, tomorrow. True story.
A DUI can set back your sobriety plan because it adds legal, emotional and financial stress to your life, and because the legal system doesn't usually care much for non-step recovery programs. In other words, you may be attending 90 meetings in 90 days, knowing they don't work for you, because the judge's uncle got sober through AA in 1962.
All of these potential harms leave out two scenarios that can cause the most mayhem: you can drink, drive, and actually hurt someone. The guilt, fear, and self loathing will last.
Or, you might slide into your driveway, not having been caught committing a crime. A felony in most states. Your sober life plan is not helped by getting away from the accountability and consequences of your bad choice. You can restart your sober life right now but don't fool yourself into denying the lapse and your bad choices.
Slips happen. Lapses are especially hard to avoid on traditional drinking days. You can do it! Remember how far you've come and what you have to gain by keeping sober today. Use the tools you've learned from the recovery model you've used to get to now. Hopefully you'll have success and celebrate the wonderful feeling of waking up on March 18 knowing that you didn't do something to embarrass yourself or harm others.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Showing posts with label alcoholic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alcoholic. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Why I "knock" 12 steps.
My day started when a very polite man inquired, via Twitter, why I "knock" 12 step programs.
Actually, 'Lose The Booze' is about following where the research leads and determining what evidence-based program will work for YOU to Lose The Booze. Or the drugs. Or the gambling habit. Or whatever is keeping you from being the best 'you' that you can be.
If, like my Twitter follower, the 12 step program works for you--that is, it creates a space where you can achieve and maintain your sobriety goals--then 12-step is the perfect program for you. Keep doing what works for you.
If a 12-step program has allowed you to meet your abstinence goals over a sustained period, congratulations. Your success in the steps makes you a pretty rare tropical bird. The research--verified, peer reviewed, scientifically validated research--indicates that the Alcoholics Anonymous program has about a 4% success rate in terms of long-term abstinence. If you're one of the real winners, you deserve more than a chip, you should get a medal and share your success with some of the scientists studying your program.
SO my message, and I do admit that I repeat it frequently, is that you are not a failure, if you are not among the 4% for whom AA works over the long haul and have failed to find long-term sobriety by using the traditional 12 step program.
If you are failing at 12 steps, it is time to look at other alternatives to support you in finding and maintaining a sober, sane, life. There are options. SMART Recovery works for some. Harm reduction models, work for others. Cognitive behavioral therapy wins the research bake-off hands down. Want blinking lights and sound with your CBT? Maybe EMDR is the route for you.
There are also new classes of medications to help ease urges. New awareness that most addicts of all sorts suffer from underlying mental health issues and that treating those issues may ease your triggers to self medicate.
Again, 12 step programs are the perfect program for those who achieve long-term abstinence using 12 steps. But even the most enthusiastic step advocates generally agree that adding a few modern touches, like supportive therapy, coaching, sober lifestyle training, case management with accountability, and other tools, can amp up the odds that your 12 step focused program will remain successful for you over the long-term.
I think there are plenty of truly anti-12-step folks out there. If you're looking for someone who truly detests the model, Jack Trimpey and other good folks who have had genuinely ugly AA experiences, have plenty of online sites for you to visit to share any anger you feel toward the program.
Lose The Booze is about finding your positive and genuinely sustainable place of sobriety, without shame, guilt, or the constant fear that you will fail.
I believe that you and I are powerful, beautiful, and intelligent people who can benefit from decades of advances in research based treatment alternatives.
I am certain that we all need help along the way.
I admit that I find listening to the failure stories and drunk-a-logs of sad, people who believe that they are powerless, is the very last thing to help me maintain my hard-earned long-term sobriety.
Isn't it wonderful that there is more than one road?
Margaret Gold
Actually, 'Lose The Booze' is about following where the research leads and determining what evidence-based program will work for YOU to Lose The Booze. Or the drugs. Or the gambling habit. Or whatever is keeping you from being the best 'you' that you can be.
If, like my Twitter follower, the 12 step program works for you--that is, it creates a space where you can achieve and maintain your sobriety goals--then 12-step is the perfect program for you. Keep doing what works for you.
If a 12-step program has allowed you to meet your abstinence goals over a sustained period, congratulations. Your success in the steps makes you a pretty rare tropical bird. The research--verified, peer reviewed, scientifically validated research--indicates that the Alcoholics Anonymous program has about a 4% success rate in terms of long-term abstinence. If you're one of the real winners, you deserve more than a chip, you should get a medal and share your success with some of the scientists studying your program.
SO my message, and I do admit that I repeat it frequently, is that you are not a failure, if you are not among the 4% for whom AA works over the long haul and have failed to find long-term sobriety by using the traditional 12 step program.
If you are failing at 12 steps, it is time to look at other alternatives to support you in finding and maintaining a sober, sane, life. There are options. SMART Recovery works for some. Harm reduction models, work for others. Cognitive behavioral therapy wins the research bake-off hands down. Want blinking lights and sound with your CBT? Maybe EMDR is the route for you.
There are also new classes of medications to help ease urges. New awareness that most addicts of all sorts suffer from underlying mental health issues and that treating those issues may ease your triggers to self medicate.
Again, 12 step programs are the perfect program for those who achieve long-term abstinence using 12 steps. But even the most enthusiastic step advocates generally agree that adding a few modern touches, like supportive therapy, coaching, sober lifestyle training, case management with accountability, and other tools, can amp up the odds that your 12 step focused program will remain successful for you over the long-term.
I think there are plenty of truly anti-12-step folks out there. If you're looking for someone who truly detests the model, Jack Trimpey and other good folks who have had genuinely ugly AA experiences, have plenty of online sites for you to visit to share any anger you feel toward the program.
Lose The Booze is about finding your positive and genuinely sustainable place of sobriety, without shame, guilt, or the constant fear that you will fail.
I believe that you and I are powerful, beautiful, and intelligent people who can benefit from decades of advances in research based treatment alternatives.
I am certain that we all need help along the way.
I admit that I find listening to the failure stories and drunk-a-logs of sad, people who believe that they are powerless, is the very last thing to help me maintain my hard-earned long-term sobriety.
Isn't it wonderful that there is more than one road?
Margaret Gold
Monday, January 26, 2015
Settled into the Sober New Year, starting with a great DryJanuary
Wow, January flew by. We started celebrating and motivating and encouraging the folks we know who committed to a dry January, one solid sober month, and whoosh, the first month of 2015 is nearly complete.
A lot of people have asked, via all the usual methods, about the concepts behind the annual Dry January campaign. Opinions differ, but here at Lose The Booze, we think any campaign that encourages folks to think before they drink is a really good plan.
It's not just for the newly or temporarily sober, either. For those of us who have celebrated many dry Januaries, and all the months in between, it's a great time to stop, reflect, and notice the great things that have opened up in life now that we're in charge of whether we drink.
One woman who commented on a Dry January article in Slate, shared her belief that the whole thing was a terrible idea because no-one should get sober for just a month. Okay. That viewpoint pretty much puts the whole one day at a time mantra into free-fall, but let's take her opinion at face value.
If Dry January is torture for you. If you're missing your drink of choice every day. If you're drinking on the sly, or thinking about drinking during your regular life, you may just want to stop. Yep, stop drinking for a lot longer than January. Your relationship with alcohol is not likely in balance, and your compulsive thinking about drinking is a flashing brightly lit sign that you may have a real problem. If you're sweating out the month you just may be an alcoholic. At the very least you should take the Lose The Booze quiz and really think about whether alcohol use is working for you.
If, on the other hand, you are like my friend Mary, lucky you. Mary sees the month as an annual mini fitness plan. She commits to skipping the chardonnay calories during her Dry January, feels great during her annual use-the-gym binge, and, with no more thought than, as she says "all those years of no fish on Friday," goes about life as usual, you probably do not need to be here at all. Find a blog with good recipes. Enjoy your spin class. Maybe stop and check in with your other relationships with people, food, fitness, work, sleep, and whatever else may not be as balanced.
Dry January is a great tool for inviting yourself or others to consider how drinking alcohol is affecting all of the different parts of your life. Family relationships good? Work? Taking care of your health? If you don't like the answers, or alcohol is too big a part of every question, you can have a fresh shiny new start. Every day arrives squeaky clean and ready for you. Each new year is an opportunity to re-choose what works for you.
For you, as it is for me, January may be a time of gratitude for having found a way to quit drinking that works, for you. You may be grateful for the resilience of your relationships and the grace and forgiveness that got you through rough times. You may have kind words and acceptance to spare for someone you know who looks at a dry month as a BIG DEAL.
Whatever works for you. Works.
A lot of people have asked, via all the usual methods, about the concepts behind the annual Dry January campaign. Opinions differ, but here at Lose The Booze, we think any campaign that encourages folks to think before they drink is a really good plan.
It's not just for the newly or temporarily sober, either. For those of us who have celebrated many dry Januaries, and all the months in between, it's a great time to stop, reflect, and notice the great things that have opened up in life now that we're in charge of whether we drink.
One woman who commented on a Dry January article in Slate, shared her belief that the whole thing was a terrible idea because no-one should get sober for just a month. Okay. That viewpoint pretty much puts the whole one day at a time mantra into free-fall, but let's take her opinion at face value.
If Dry January is torture for you. If you're missing your drink of choice every day. If you're drinking on the sly, or thinking about drinking during your regular life, you may just want to stop. Yep, stop drinking for a lot longer than January. Your relationship with alcohol is not likely in balance, and your compulsive thinking about drinking is a flashing brightly lit sign that you may have a real problem. If you're sweating out the month you just may be an alcoholic. At the very least you should take the Lose The Booze quiz and really think about whether alcohol use is working for you.
If, on the other hand, you are like my friend Mary, lucky you. Mary sees the month as an annual mini fitness plan. She commits to skipping the chardonnay calories during her Dry January, feels great during her annual use-the-gym binge, and, with no more thought than, as she says "all those years of no fish on Friday," goes about life as usual, you probably do not need to be here at all. Find a blog with good recipes. Enjoy your spin class. Maybe stop and check in with your other relationships with people, food, fitness, work, sleep, and whatever else may not be as balanced.
Dry January is a great tool for inviting yourself or others to consider how drinking alcohol is affecting all of the different parts of your life. Family relationships good? Work? Taking care of your health? If you don't like the answers, or alcohol is too big a part of every question, you can have a fresh shiny new start. Every day arrives squeaky clean and ready for you. Each new year is an opportunity to re-choose what works for you.
For you, as it is for me, January may be a time of gratitude for having found a way to quit drinking that works, for you. You may be grateful for the resilience of your relationships and the grace and forgiveness that got you through rough times. You may have kind words and acceptance to spare for someone you know who looks at a dry month as a BIG DEAL.
Whatever works for you. Works.
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