Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Nope, I'm not "bashing" AA and 12 steps

Funny week. I commented on Gabrielle Glaser's excellent piece about AA in The Atlantic.

Suddenly, Amazon sales for 'Lose the Booze' showed an unusual dip. Whoops. It seems like expressing an opinion that if AA works for you, you should stick with it, AND that if it does not work for you, there are other great paths to recovery, made some folks mad.

One star reviews from people who haven't read a book (or even seen it, I'm guessing in one case) are an occasional fact of bothering to write a book, these days. No harm, no-foul.

But wait, that's not enough. It turns out I'm now accused, in the form of a review, of "bashing AA" to sell books.

Actually...no. I could sell far more books if I wrote one of those inspiration-a-day 'positive' books, or even invented a nifty workbook for step meetings.

 'Lose The Booze' is about following where the research leads and determining what evidence-based program will work for YOU to Lose The Booze. Or the drugs. Or the gambling habit. Or whatever is keeping you from being the best 'you' that you can be.

If the 12 step program works for you--that is, it makes it possible for you to achieve and maintain your sobriety goals--then 12-step is the perfect program for you. Keep doing what works for you!

My message, and I do admit that I repeat it every chance I get, is that you are not a failure if you are not among the 4% for whom AA works over the long haul. If you have failed to find long-term sobriety by using the traditional 12 step program, there are other tools in the modern recovery shed to get you out of failure, sober, secure, and on with your life.

If you are failing at 12 steps, it is time to look at other alternatives to support you in finding and maintaining a sober, sane, life.  There are options. SMART Recovery works for some. Harm reduction models, work for others. Women for Sobriety rocks for those who find resonance in their message. Cognitive behavioral therapy wins the research bake-off hands down. Want blinking lights and sound with your CBT? Maybe EMDR is the route for you.

There are also new tools to help you maintain your own commitment to sobriety. Soberlink is the latest tool we have added at North Star Guides, the recovery management monitoring and mentoring organization that I work for. Soberlink is a handheld device that allows real-time alcohol testing in a quick, easy, discreet way that keeps you accountable, rebuilds trust with family and colleagues, and makes a proven difference in relapse prevention. It's a real innovation in recovery monitoring, and even the AA folks hating on those who mention new treatments are using it, because Hazeldon/BettyFord does.

Again, 12 step programs are the perfect program for those who achieve long-term abstinence using 12 steps. But even the most enthusiastic step advocates generally agree that adding modern touches--like supportive therapy, coaching, sober lifestyle training, case management with accountability, Soberlink testing, and other tools--can amp up the odds that your 12-step program will remain successful for you over the long-term.

There are plenty of committed anti-12-step folks out there. If you're looking for someone who truly detests the 12 step model, Jack Trimpey and other people who have genuinely ugly words for AA have plenty of online sites for you to visit to share any anger you feel toward the program. Perhaps the AA folks could stop through those sites, if they need to see what bashing AA looks like.

My message, my reason for working in recovery, my motivation for writing the little book, Lose The Booze is that everyone with an alcohol problem deserves to find the right path for them, to a positive and genuinely sustainable place of sobriety, without shame, guilt, or the constant fear that you will fail.

I believe that we are all powerful, beautiful, and intelligent people who can benefit from decades of advances in research-based treatment alternatives.

I believe my clients and friends did their very best to work the AA program. I know that they are brave heroes for deciding to move on to other research-based, alternatives when they didn't achieve success with the steps. 

Isn't it wonderful that we have learned so much since 1935? We have new tools and methods that can help people achieve long-term victory over their substance abuse, even if they have failed in the past. That's great, and if you're angry about it, there's probably a step for you to loop back to for further examination.

Margaret Gold

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Sober people can have a great time on St. Patrick's Day. But most of us don't. Perhaps it's because the annual American-style day of the drunk tends to trigger memories in some of us, of times we were the ones spilling green beer, while slurring our speech.

For me, St. Paddy's is a day to remind everyone within the sound of my internet voice that a plan to not drink, is not the same as not drinking. Why does this matter?

Because if you planned to stay sober and did not. No reason, no excuse, no justification of how small a quantity you consumed during your slip, gives you the right to drive a car after drinking.

St. Patrick's Day traffic accident and fatality statistics are truly horrifying. And most of the victims are sober drivers and passengers whose lives are changed by somebody who thinks (s)he's just fine to drive.

You're not. You can call Typsy Tow in many cities. AAA wants you to get home safe. Uber and many taxi companies will give you a lift as well. Of course, these options presume that you were not planning on drinking. No guilt here. Just get home safe. If you have to pay for a cab, just think of the money you're saving not needing a lawyer, and tip well.

If for some reason you are planning on joining the party, make sure your designated sober driver is REALLY going to stay cold sober all day and night.

At Northstar Guides, the recovery management, mentoring, and monitoring service where I work, we see people on virtually every holiday break down, forget their plan for avoiding alcohol, and then ending up with at least guilt, and often legal troubles because they wanted to cover up their lapse by driving home.

Hint, if you drive INTO your garage, door and all, your family will know about your lapse and it will not be a small, reset and forget, tomorrow. True story.

A DUI can set back your sobriety plan because it adds legal, emotional and financial stress to your life, and because the legal system doesn't usually care much for non-step recovery programs. In other words, you may be attending 90 meetings in 90 days, knowing they don't work for you, because the judge's uncle got sober through AA in 1962.

All of these potential harms leave out two scenarios that can cause the most mayhem: you can drink, drive, and actually hurt someone. The guilt, fear, and self loathing will last.

Or, you might slide into your driveway, not having been caught committing a crime. A felony in most states. Your sober life plan is not helped by getting away from the accountability and consequences of your bad choice. You can restart your sober life right now but don't fool yourself into denying the lapse and your bad choices.

Slips happen. Lapses are especially hard to avoid on traditional drinking days. You can do it! Remember how far you've come and what you have to gain by keeping sober today. Use the tools you've learned from the recovery model you've used to get to now.  Hopefully you'll have success and celebrate the wonderful feeling of waking up on March 18 knowing that you didn't do something to embarrass yourself or harm others.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.




Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Why I "knock" 12 steps.

My day started when a very polite man inquired, via Twitter, why I "knock" 12 step programs.

Actually, 'Lose The Booze' is about following where the research leads and determining what evidence-based program will work for YOU to Lose The Booze. Or the drugs. Or the gambling habit. Or whatever is keeping you from being the best 'you' that you can be.

If, like my Twitter follower, the 12 step program works for you--that is, it creates a space where you can achieve and maintain your sobriety goals--then 12-step is the perfect program for you. Keep doing what works for you.

If a 12-step program has allowed you to meet your abstinence goals over a sustained period, congratulations. Your success in the steps makes you a pretty rare tropical bird. The research--verified, peer reviewed, scientifically validated research--indicates that the Alcoholics Anonymous program has about a 4% success rate in terms of long-term abstinence. If you're one of the real winners, you deserve more than a chip, you should get a medal and share your success with some of the scientists studying your program.

SO my message, and I do admit that I repeat it frequently, is that you are not a failure, if you are not among the 4% for whom AA works over the long haul and have failed to find long-term sobriety by using the traditional 12 step program.

If you are failing at 12 steps, it is time to look at other alternatives to support you in finding and maintaining a sober, sane, life. There are options. SMART Recovery works for some. Harm reduction models, work for others. Cognitive behavioral therapy wins the research bake-off hands down. Want blinking lights and sound with your CBT? Maybe EMDR is the route for you.

There are also new classes of medications to help ease urges. New awareness that most addicts of all sorts suffer from underlying mental health issues and that treating those issues may ease your triggers to self medicate.

Again, 12 step programs are the perfect program for those who achieve long-term abstinence using 12 steps. But even the most enthusiastic step advocates generally agree that adding a few modern touches, like supportive therapy, coaching, sober lifestyle training, case management with accountability, and other tools, can amp up the odds that your 12 step focused program will remain successful for you over the long-term.

I think there are plenty of truly anti-12-step folks out there. If you're looking for someone who truly detests the model, Jack Trimpey and other good folks who have had genuinely ugly AA experiences, have plenty of online sites for you to visit to share any anger you feel toward the program.

Lose The Booze is about finding your positive and genuinely sustainable place of sobriety, without shame, guilt, or the constant fear that you will fail.

I believe that you and I are powerful, beautiful, and intelligent people who can benefit from decades of advances in research based treatment alternatives.

I am certain that we all need help along the way.
I admit that I find listening to the failure stories and drunk-a-logs of sad, people who believe that they are powerless, is the very last thing to help me maintain my hard-earned long-term sobriety.

Isn't it wonderful that there is more than one road?

Margaret Gold

Monday, January 26, 2015

Settled into the Sober New Year, starting with a great DryJanuary

Wow, January flew by. We started celebrating and motivating and encouraging the folks we know who committed to a dry January, one solid sober month, and whoosh, the first month of 2015 is nearly complete.

A lot of people have asked, via all the usual methods, about the concepts behind the annual Dry January campaign. Opinions differ, but here at Lose The Booze, we think any campaign that encourages folks to think before they drink is a really good plan.

It's not just for the newly or temporarily sober, either. For those of us who have celebrated many dry Januaries, and all the months in between, it's a great time to stop, reflect, and notice the great things that have opened up in life now that we're in charge of whether we drink.

One woman who commented on a Dry January article in Slate, shared her belief that the whole thing was a terrible idea because no-one should get sober for just a month. Okay. That viewpoint pretty much puts the whole one day at a time mantra into free-fall, but let's take her opinion at face value.

If Dry January is torture for you. If you're missing your drink of choice every day. If you're drinking on the sly, or thinking about drinking during your regular life, you may just want to stop. Yep, stop drinking for a lot longer than January. Your relationship with alcohol is not likely in balance, and your compulsive thinking about drinking is a flashing brightly lit sign that you may have a real problem. If you're sweating out the month you just may be an alcoholic. At the very least you should take the Lose The Booze quiz and really think about whether alcohol use is working for you.

If, on the other hand, you are like my friend Mary, lucky you. Mary sees the month as an annual mini fitness plan. She commits to skipping the chardonnay calories during her Dry January, feels great during her annual use-the-gym binge, and, with no more thought than, as she says "all those years of no fish on Friday," goes about life as usual, you probably do not need to be here at all. Find a blog with good recipes. Enjoy your spin class. Maybe stop and check in with your other relationships with people, food, fitness, work, sleep, and whatever else may not be as balanced.

Dry January is a great tool for inviting yourself or others to consider how drinking alcohol is affecting all of the different parts of your life. Family relationships good? Work? Taking care of your health? If you don't like the answers, or alcohol is too big a part of every question, you can have a fresh shiny new start. Every day arrives squeaky clean and ready for you. Each new year is an opportunity to re-choose what works for you.

For you, as it is for me, January may be a time of gratitude for having found a way to quit drinking that works, for you. You may be grateful for the resilience of your relationships and the grace and forgiveness that got you through rough times. You may have kind words and acceptance to spare for someone you know who looks at a dry month as a BIG DEAL.

Whatever works for you. Works.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

5 Ways to Keep Stress Down During the holidays

5. Don't Overdo It - Don't take on more than you can handle. It's easy to get caught up in all of the festivities and over-commit. Make sure you know your limits and remember it's okay to say no thank you, I already have plans.
4. Plan Ahead - Making a list and checking it twice can make all the difference in making your season bright. Knowing what needs to be done and having a game plan will help you stay focused on what's really important.
3. Go with the Flow - Planning is all fine and dandy, when those plans leave room for the unexpected. It's important to understand you cannot control everything and everyone. Sometimes, you need to take a deep breath and be flexible.
2. Take Care of Yourself - Remember to stay hydrated, eat properly, and get a good night's sleep. Even though you are busy, respect your mind and body. This will give you the energy and clear thoughts needed to carry you through the season.
1. Remember to be Grateful - It's easy to get caught up with to do lists, and the busyness of the season, but remember why you are doing it and whom you are doing it for. It's not about how much you do or buy, it's about the people you spend your time with.

And above all, remember that your decision to not drink your way through the holidays is a huge gift to yourself and those around you. Staying Sober Through the Holidays is our new book, and can be your gift to those you love. 

Monday, December 8, 2014

A Better List for Staying Sober Through the Holidays

First things first: I would love to credit the originator of this fabulous alternative holiday list. It arrived in my inbox, on Facebook, and via Twitter, today with several different attributions. If you know who created this powerful item, please comment so we can all thank him or her.


As we Lose The Booze team members work our way through this busy season, with all of the joys, stresses, messes, and opportunities it brings, this list is up on our wall.

Be
Hug
Peace
Donate
Love
and Be.

May your decision to Lose The Booze be freeing and joyful for you, this season. May, Staying Sober Through the Holidays,  only add to your blessings.

Take care of yourself. Walk the dog. Eat. Rest. Do what is fun and fulfilling.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Another good reason...to Enjoy a Sober Season

The first of the annual, How Not to ruin your career by getting hammered at the company party, stories has hit the wire services. NPR has this week's winner, mischief-under-the-mistletoe-office-partygoers-behaving-badly

If you're a Lose the Booze reader you know that Margaret Gold provides all sorts of great tips and strategies on how not to humiliate yourself at a work or family holiday event.

Whether you are getting sober, moderating carefully, or are a long-time sober person facing the annual stress marathon of holiday events, here are a few good tips to help you stay sober through the holidays:

  • Have an appropriate non-alcoholic beverage in your hand at all times, if you are in a must-attend, drinking business or social situation. 
  • Ask for non-alcoholic drinks, soda water, etc. to be served in a real glass, with a twist of lemon or lime. Stemware, a highball glass, or whatever everyone else at the event is drinking from, no straw please, will minimize the number of questions or pressure you’ll likely receive from others about your beverage choice, at the event. 
  • Insist with staff if necessary – there’s nothing more conspicuous than Coke in a plastic cup at an open bar event. If they tell you that they’ll have to charge you for your soda water or Sprite as if it were a vodka tonic, reflect for .7 seconds on how much booze has cost you, at similar events, over the years, and pay up. 
  • Plan an escape if the temptation gets too great.
For many, many more detailed strategies, scripts, trigger management techniques, and support for the choices you are making about drinking this season, please consider looking at Staying Sober Through the Holidays, Margaret Gold's new book for sober people who want to remain that way through Valentines Day and beyond. 

If you are still looking at whether it might be time to Lose the Booze, start here.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Giving Thanks and Offering Sober Holiday Options

As I write this, it is Thanksgiving Eve. Hopefully every shop has been shopped, every platter located, and the roaster unearthed. As you decide whether to skip the marshmallows on this year's yams and consider whether there are enough vegetarian or gluten free options on your menu, please pause and consider this:

Do you have tasty, non-alcoholic drink choices available for all  of your guests?

Whether sparkling water or sodas, juices, or good old-fashioned root beer, please serve up a selection, in the same nice glasses you would use for great wine or bourbon.

This does not require you to spend one minute considering who drinks (alcohol) and who doesn't. We all will drink something tomorrow.

And a fair number of your guests may also drive somewhere. Be it home, or to the earliest shopping emporium to offer great deals, that drive shouldn't happen with evening one drink for the person behind the wheel.

So as you finish setting the table, or even deciding what to take along to the hostess of your Thanksgiving feast, please be thankful for the gift of too many choices. And help everyone arrive home healthy and alive.

"Staying Sober Through the Holidays" is Margaret Gold's new book. We are thankful that the paperback edition came out today, in time for Thanksgiving.

It's full of great ideas for alcohol-free, and optional, entertaining. Whether you are lucky enough to be a moderate drinker, longtime sober, or simply a thoughtful host, the book has many strategies for staying sober, and supporting your sober friends and family, during this often stressful time of year.

Happy Thanksgiving. From the Lose The Booze Team.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Staying Sober Through the Holidays: Enjoy the Season ... Without Falling into Drinking. In Paperback tomorrow

Northstar Ink is proud and pleased to announce that Margart Gold's newest book, Staying Sober Through the Holidays: Enjoy the Holidays without Falling back into Drinking, will join the current Kindle edition, and be available in paperback tomorrow.

The book is designed for those who are already sober and provides specific strategies for maintaining sobriety during the often perilous holiday season.

Early reviews of the book are glowing:

"This is a great book for anyone trying very hard not to drink during the holidays, or even for the spouse/ brother/ aunt etc of anyone that is trying not to drink.
It is very obvious that the author is speaking from a place of experience, and she shares several personal tips that have helped her.
I also liked this books take on AA, I have never really thought about it before, but the book basically says that AA does not work because it focuses on shaming and negatives. You sit in a dank, dark basement and constantly talk/ hear about the lowest times in your life. I actually really agree with that, and staying focused on the positives.
This book provides a lot of helpful tips on avoidance, and staying away from things that you associate with drinking. It is good, sound advice. The book also includes a short quiz and plenty of contact numbers you can call to receive help.
Overall a great read, very eye opening."

"This is a really helpful book which outlines real and practical strategies that make staying sober during the holiday season easier and empowering. The advice was very well explained, and easy to understand. I could see how it is definitely backed up by research and makes sense. This is a book that has definitely raised my confidence. Highly recommended."  

Buy a copy for yourself or as a nice sign of support to a friend or loved one who has built sobriety and might benefit from a little confidence boost to keep their commitment to staying booze free through the holidays.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Staying Sober Through the Holidays - Now in Kindle

We are so proud and pleased to announce that the author of the Amazon bestseller 'Lose The Booze', Margaret Gold, has just released a new book to help former drinkers stay sober through the holiday season.

Staying Sober Through the Holidays  is designed to help people keep their commitment to staying alcohol-free during the holidays without guilt, shame, or hanging around at meetings in church basements.

Congratulations to Margaret Gold and her editors for adding an important voice to the self-help and recovery communities.

Please take a look. New posts, press, and more links soon.


Sunday, September 21, 2014

Lose the Booze 2nd Edition out in Paperback and on Kindle

Lose The Booze has been updated. The second edition of Lose the Booze - The No Meetings Guide to Clearing up your Drinking Problem for Good is available now on Kindle and in paperback.

Plenty of people have emailed and written to ask for non-12-step rehab options. and the new second edition features a selection of non-12-step rehab and outpatient choices for people who may want more support, as they choose to moderate, or end their drinking.

It's really exciting to see people responding so positively to Margaret Gold's book and positive message that no-one needs meetings to get and stay sober.

We're proud to publish Margaret's work and are really excited about her plans for even more non-12 step resources including international options and links to SMART and other non-step rehab and support systems.


Monday, March 24, 2014

A learned scholar makes a large number of AA members unhappy on NPR



It was interesting to see how defensive and AA -or-no-way, the comment thread has trended on an author interview piece on NPR.org.

Dr. Dodes has written a well researched volume that debunks 12 step recovery for the masses. He is particularly concerned about courts and other similar authoritative institutions prescribing AA.

Dr. Dodes is not the first, and hopefully won't be the last to say out loud what many sober people, myself included, have found true in our own lives: AA didn't work for us and we got sober anyway. AA can be very harmful, particularly to women with abusive pasts, and for people with various other profiles incompatible with AA nostrums.

 It was also intriguing that several male contributors to the comment thread were immediately hostile and threatened by the simple statement of, by now established fact, that AA can be particularly ineffective and sometimes dangerous to women with an abusive past.

My recently published book, "Lose The Booze", on Kindle, while nothing like the beautifully researched volume Dr. Dodes has put forth, offers my experience, suggestions for taking back your power, and a brief discussion of the many research studies that do not back up AA claims to success. It offers specific action plans and tips in a little book free of guilt, rather than a Big Book full of antiquated ideas about character and culture.
I applaud Dr. Dodes for taking the high road in describing the type of drinker that may very well benefit from the camaraderie offered by AA, and to reveal that most of us with a serious problem with alcohol, may very well be harmed by the program. It is also a real pleasure, and one that the AA driven comments, here, don't seem to like much, to see an accomplished scholar lend credence to the fact that most of us can and will stop using the substance that is harming us. We are not powerless. We are not flawed. We are the silent majority that found the 12 step method not a fit for our beliefs or circumstances.


http://www.npr.org/2014/03/23/291405829/with-sobering-science-doctor-debunks-12-step-recovery

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

New Book Teaches Readers How to Stop Drinking Without the Guilt or the Ordeal of a 12 Step Program

"Lose The Booze: the no-meetings guide to clearing up your drinking problem, for good" is available right now on Amazon’s Kindle platform. How does a smart, Fortune 500 company exec deal with a daily alcohol habit? Not too well. For Margaret Gold, a wife, mother of three kids and successful career woman in sales and marketing, alcohol had become a hindrance to her life, goals and self esteem. 

Regular alcohol intake has become a social disease of the 21st century, and Gold’s plan is for the 21st century. She doesn’t advocate the traditional guilt-ridden 12 step programs held in church basements. This isn’t a book for the powerless. Margaret is adamant that the methods she discovered and uses herself will help people reclaim their own lives.

Diet, exercise and how to deal with social triggers form part of the “Lose The Booze” program. Initial reviews are excellent: readers are happy that the book does not advocate a one size fits all methodology. Reviewers have pointed out that scientific analysis of the problem which Gold uses in her book is a more readily internalized process than traditional methods of willpower on its own.

The book is well written, in an informal style that doesn’t preach to its readers. Readers who feel they need some help with their alcohol intake, or who have family members in that position are encouraged to be proactive and follow the scientific program Gold has used to go from drinking on a daily basis to not having had a drink in over ten years.

“Lose The Booze: the no-meetings guide to clearing up your drinking problem, for good” is available now from Amazon. The Kindle-only distribution is set to expand and we can expect to hear more from Margaret Gold soon. The companion volume, "Staying Sober: Tips for Professional Road Warriors" is expected to arrive in bookstores and on Kindle later this Spring.






Northstar Ink is an independent publishing company known for offering an eclectic range of memoir, empowered self-help, non-fiction, business & marketing guides, and even the occasional quirky fiction volume. Northstar has expanded into the burgeoning e-book and Kindle market and has ambitious plans to add about forty books to the company catalog during 2014.  Northstar Ink may have joined the Kindle age but still judges titles by whether a good independent bookstore would put the new Northstar title on an end cap.