Nope, I'm not "bashing" AA and 12 steps

Funny week. I commented on Gabrielle Glaser's excellent piece about AA in The Atlantic.

Suddenly, Amazon sales for 'Lose the Booze' showed an unusual dip. Whoops. It seems like expressing an opinion that if AA works for you, you should stick with it, AND that if it does not work for you, there are other great paths to recovery, made some folks mad.

One star reviews from people who haven't read a book (or even seen it, I'm guessing in one case) are an occasional fact of bothering to write a book, these days. No harm, no-foul.

But wait, that's not enough. It turns out I'm now accused, in the form of a review, of "bashing AA" to sell books.

Actually...no. I could sell far more books if I wrote one of those inspiration-a-day 'positive' books, or even invented a nifty workbook for step meetings.

 'Lose The Booze' is about following where the research leads and determining what evidence-based program will work for YOU to Lose The Booze. Or the drugs. Or the gambling habit. Or whatever is keeping you from being the best 'you' that you can be.

If the 12 step program works for you--that is, it makes it possible for you to achieve and maintain your sobriety goals--then 12-step is the perfect program for you. Keep doing what works for you!

My message, and I do admit that I repeat it every chance I get, is that you are not a failure if you are not among the 4% for whom AA works over the long haul. If you have failed to find long-term sobriety by using the traditional 12 step program, there are other tools in the modern recovery shed to get you out of failure, sober, secure, and on with your life.

If you are failing at 12 steps, it is time to look at other alternatives to support you in finding and maintaining a sober, sane, life.  There are options. SMART Recovery works for some. Harm reduction models, work for others. Women for Sobriety rocks for those who find resonance in their message. Cognitive behavioral therapy wins the research bake-off hands down. Want blinking lights and sound with your CBT? Maybe EMDR is the route for you.

There are also new tools to help you maintain your own commitment to sobriety. Soberlink is the latest tool we have added at North Star Guides, the recovery management monitoring and mentoring organization that I work for. Soberlink is a handheld device that allows real-time alcohol testing in a quick, easy, discreet way that keeps you accountable, rebuilds trust with family and colleagues, and makes a proven difference in relapse prevention. It's a real innovation in recovery monitoring, and even the AA folks hating on those who mention new treatments are using it, because Hazeldon/BettyFord does.

Again, 12 step programs are the perfect program for those who achieve long-term abstinence using 12 steps. But even the most enthusiastic step advocates generally agree that adding modern touches--like supportive therapy, coaching, sober lifestyle training, case management with accountability, Soberlink testing, and other tools--can amp up the odds that your 12-step program will remain successful for you over the long-term.

There are plenty of committed anti-12-step folks out there. If you're looking for someone who truly detests the 12 step model, Jack Trimpey and other people who have genuinely ugly words for AA have plenty of online sites for you to visit to share any anger you feel toward the program. Perhaps the AA folks could stop through those sites, if they need to see what bashing AA looks like.

My message, my reason for working in recovery, my motivation for writing the little book, Lose The Booze is that everyone with an alcohol problem deserves to find the right path for them, to a positive and genuinely sustainable place of sobriety, without shame, guilt, or the constant fear that you will fail.

I believe that we are all powerful, beautiful, and intelligent people who can benefit from decades of advances in research-based treatment alternatives.

I believe my clients and friends did their very best to work the AA program. I know that they are brave heroes for deciding to move on to other research-based, alternatives when they didn't achieve success with the steps. 

Isn't it wonderful that we have learned so much since 1935? We have new tools and methods that can help people achieve long-term victory over their substance abuse, even if they have failed in the past. That's great, and if you're angry about it, there's probably a step for you to loop back to for further examination.

Margaret Gold

Why I "knock" 12 steps.

My day started when a very polite man inquired, via Twitter, why I "knock" 12 step programs.

Actually, 'Lose The Booze' is about following where the research leads and determining what evidence-based program will work for YOU to Lose The Booze. Or the drugs. Or the gambling habit. Or whatever is keeping you from being the best 'you' that you can be.

If, like my Twitter follower, the 12 step program works for you--that is, it creates a space where you can achieve and maintain your sobriety goals--then 12-step is the perfect program for you. Keep doing what works for you.

If a 12-step program has allowed you to meet your abstinence goals over a sustained period, congratulations. Your success in the steps makes you a pretty rare tropical bird. The research--verified, peer reviewed, scientifically validated research--indicates that the Alcoholics Anonymous program has about a 4% success rate in terms of long-term abstinence. If you're one of the real winners, you deserve more than a chip, you should get a medal and share your success with some of the scientists studying your program.

SO my message, and I do admit that I repeat it frequently, is that you are not a failure, if you are not among the 4% for whom AA works over the long haul and have failed to find long-term sobriety by using the traditional 12 step program.

If you are failing at 12 steps, it is time to look at other alternatives to support you in finding and maintaining a sober, sane, life. There are options. SMART Recovery works for some. Harm reduction models, work for others. Cognitive behavioral therapy wins the research bake-off hands down. Want blinking lights and sound with your CBT? Maybe EMDR is the route for you.

There are also new classes of medications to help ease urges. New awareness that most addicts of all sorts suffer from underlying mental health issues and that treating those issues may ease your triggers to self medicate.

Again, 12 step programs are the perfect program for those who achieve long-term abstinence using 12 steps. But even the most enthusiastic step advocates generally agree that adding a few modern touches, like supportive therapy, coaching, sober lifestyle training, case management with accountability, and other tools, can amp up the odds that your 12 step focused program will remain successful for you over the long-term.

I think there are plenty of truly anti-12-step folks out there. If you're looking for someone who truly detests the model, Jack Trimpey and other good folks who have had genuinely ugly AA experiences, have plenty of online sites for you to visit to share any anger you feel toward the program.

Lose The Booze is about finding your positive and genuinely sustainable place of sobriety, without shame, guilt, or the constant fear that you will fail.

I believe that you and I are powerful, beautiful, and intelligent people who can benefit from decades of advances in research based treatment alternatives.

I am certain that we all need help along the way.
I admit that I find listening to the failure stories and drunk-a-logs of sad, people who believe that they are powerless, is the very last thing to help me maintain my hard-earned long-term sobriety.

Isn't it wonderful that there is more than one road?

Margaret Gold

5 Ways to Keep Stress Down During the holidays

5. Don't Overdo It - Don't take on more than you can handle. It's easy to get caught up in all of the festivities and over-commit. Make sure you know your limits and remember it's okay to say no thank you, I already have plans.

4. Plan Ahead - Making a list and checking it twice can make all the difference in making your season bright. Knowing what needs to be done and having a game plan will help you stay focused on what's really important.

3. Go with the Flow - Planning is all fine and dandy, when those plans leave room for the unexpected. It's important to understand you cannot control everything and everyone. Sometimes, you need to take a deep breath and be flexible.

2. Take Care of Yourself - Remember to stay hydrated, eat properly, and get a good night's sleep. Even though you are busy, respect your mind and body. This will give you the energy and clear thoughts needed to carry you through the season.

1. Remember to be Grateful - It's easy to get caught up with to do lists, and the busyness of the season, but remember why you are doing it and whom you are doing it for. It's not about how much you do or buy, it's about the people you spend your time with.

And above all, remember that your decision to not drink your way through the holidays is a huge gift to yourself and those around you. Staying Sober Through the Holidays is our new book, and can be your gift to those you love. 

A Better List for Staying Sober Through the Holidays

First things first: I would love to credit the originator of this fabulous alternative holiday list. It arrived in my inbox, on Facebook, and via Twitter, today with several different attributions. If you know who created this powerful item, please comment so we can all thank him or her.

As we Lose The Booze team members work our way through this busy season, with all of the joys, stresses, messes, and opportunities it brings, this list is up on our wall.

Be
Hug
Peace
Donate
Love
and Be.

May your decision to Lose The Booze be freeing and joyful for you, this season. May, Staying Sober Through the Holidays,  only add to your blessings.

Take care of yourself. Walk the dog. Eat. Rest. Do what is fun and fulfilling.

Giving Thanks and Offering Sober Holiday Options

As I write this, it is Thanksgiving Eve. Hopefully every shop has been shopped, every platter located, and the roaster unearthed. As you decide whether to skip the marshmallows on this year's yams and consider whether there are enough vegetarian or gluten free options on your menu, please pause and consider this:

Do you have tasty, non-alcoholic drink choices available for all  of your guests?

Whether sparkling water or sodas, juices, or good old-fashioned root beer, please serve up a selection, in the same nice glasses you would use for great wine or bourbon.

This does not require you to spend one minute considering who drinks (alcohol) and who doesn't. We all will drink something tomorrow.

And a fair number of your guests may also drive somewhere. Be it home, or to the earliest shopping emporium to offer great deals, that drive shouldn't happen with evening one drink for the person behind the wheel.

So as you finish setting the table, or even deciding what to take along to the hostess of your Thanksgiving feast, please be thankful for the gift of too many choices. And help everyone arrive home healthy and alive.

"Staying Sober Through the Holidays" is Margaret Gold's new book. We are thankful that the paperback edition came out today, in time for Thanksgiving.

It's full of great ideas for alcohol-free, and optional, entertaining. Whether you are lucky enough to be a moderate drinker, longtime sober, or simply a thoughtful host, the book has many strategies for staying sober, and supporting your sober friends and family, during this often stressful time of year.

Happy Thanksgiving. From the Lose The Booze Team.

Staying Sober Through the Holidays: Enjoy the Season ... Without Falling into Drinking. In Paperback tomorrow

Northstar Ink is proud and pleased to announce that Margart Gold's newest book, Staying Sober Through the Holidays: Enjoy the Holidays without Falling back into Drinking, will join the current Kindle edition, and be available in paperback tomorrow.

The book is designed for those who are already sober and provides specific strategies for maintaining sobriety during the often perilous holiday season.

Early reviews of the book are glowing:

"This is a great book for anyone trying very hard not to drink during the holidays, or even for the spouse/ brother/ aunt etc of anyone that is trying not to drink.
It is very obvious that the author is speaking from a place of experience, and she shares several personal tips that have helped her.
I also liked this books take on AA, I have never really thought about it before, but the book basically says that AA does not work because it focuses on shaming and negatives. You sit in a dank, dark basement and constantly talk/ hear about the lowest times in your life. I actually really agree with that, and staying focused on the positives.
This book provides a lot of helpful tips on avoidance, and staying away from things that you associate with drinking. It is good, sound advice. The book also includes a short quiz and plenty of contact numbers you can call to receive help.
Overall a great read, very eye opening."

"This is a really helpful book which outlines real and practical strategies that make staying sober during the holiday season easier and empowering. The advice was very well explained, and easy to understand. I could see how it is definitely backed up by research and makes sense. This is a book that has definitely raised my confidence. Highly recommended."  

Buy a copy for yourself or as a nice sign of support to a friend or loved one who has built sobriety and might benefit from a little confidence boost to keep their commitment to staying booze free through the holidays.

Staying Sober Through the Holidays - Now in Kindle

We are so proud and pleased to announce that the author of the Amazon bestseller 'Lose The Booze', Margaret Gold, has just released a new book to help former drinkers stay sober through the holiday season.

Staying Sober Through the Holidays  is designed to help people keep their commitment to staying alcohol-free during the holidays without guilt, shame, or hanging around at meetings in church basements.

Congratulations to Margaret Gold and her editors for adding an important voice to the self-help and recovery communities.

Please take a look. New posts, press, and more links soon.

Lose the Booze 2nd Edition out in Paperback and on Kindle

Lose The Booze has been updated. The second edition of Lose the Booze - The No Meetings Guide to Clearing up your Drinking Problem for Good is available now on Kindle and in paperback.

Plenty of people have emailed and written to ask for non-12-step rehab options. and the new second edition features a selection of non-12-step rehab and outpatient choices for people who may want more support, as they choose to moderate, or end their drinking.

It's really exciting to see people responding so positively to Margaret Gold's book and positive message that no-one needs meetings to get and stay sober.

We're proud to publish Margaret's work and are really excited about her plans for even more non-12 step resources including international options and links to SMART and other non-step rehab and support systems.