Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Sober people can have a great time on St. Patrick's Day. But most of us don't. Perhaps it's because the annual American-style day of the drunk tends to trigger memories in some of us, of times we were the ones spilling green beer, while slurring our speech.

For me, St. Paddy's is a day to remind everyone within the sound of my internet voice that a plan to not drink, is not the same as not drinking. Why does this matter?

Because if you planned to stay sober and did not. No reason, no excuse, no justification of how small a quantity you consumed during your slip, gives you the right to drive a car after drinking.

St. Patrick's Day traffic accident and fatality statistics are truly horrifying. And most of the victims are sober drivers and passengers whose lives are changed by somebody who thinks (s)he's just fine to drive.

You're not. You can call Typsy Tow in many cities. AAA wants you to get home safe. Uber and many taxi companies will give you a lift as well. Of course, these options presume that you were not planning on drinking. No guilt here. Just get home safe. If you have to pay for a cab, just think of the money you're saving not needing a lawyer, and tip well.

If for some reason you are planning on joining the party, make sure your designated sober driver is REALLY going to stay cold sober all day and night.

At Northstar Guides, the recovery management, mentoring, and monitoring service where I work, we see people on virtually every holiday break down, forget their plan for avoiding alcohol, and then ending up with at least guilt, and often legal troubles because they wanted to cover up their lapse by driving home.

Hint, if you drive INTO your garage, door and all, your family will know about your lapse and it will not be a small, reset and forget, tomorrow. True story.

A DUI can set back your sobriety plan because it adds legal, emotional and financial stress to your life, and because the legal system doesn't usually care much for non-step recovery programs. In other words, you may be attending 90 meetings in 90 days, knowing they don't work for you, because the judge's uncle got sober through AA in 1962.

All of these potential harms leave out two scenarios that can cause the most mayhem: you can drink, drive, and actually hurt someone. The guilt, fear, and self loathing will last.

Or, you might slide into your driveway, not having been caught committing a crime. A felony in most states. Your sober life plan is not helped by getting away from the accountability and consequences of your bad choice. You can restart your sober life right now but don't fool yourself into denying the lapse and your bad choices.

Slips happen. Lapses are especially hard to avoid on traditional drinking days. You can do it! Remember how far you've come and what you have to gain by keeping sober today. Use the tools you've learned from the recovery model you've used to get to now.  Hopefully you'll have success and celebrate the wonderful feeling of waking up on March 18 knowing that you didn't do something to embarrass yourself or harm others.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Why I "knock" 12 steps.

My day started when a very polite man inquired, via Twitter, why I "knock" 12 step programs.

Actually, 'Lose The Booze' is about following where the research leads and determining what evidence-based program will work for YOU to Lose The Booze. Or the drugs. Or the gambling habit. Or whatever is keeping you from being the best 'you' that you can be.

If, like my Twitter follower, the 12 step program works for you--that is, it creates a space where you can achieve and maintain your sobriety goals--then 12-step is the perfect program for you. Keep doing what works for you.

If a 12-step program has allowed you to meet your abstinence goals over a sustained period, congratulations. Your success in the steps makes you a pretty rare tropical bird. The research--verified, peer reviewed, scientifically validated research--indicates that the Alcoholics Anonymous program has about a 4% success rate in terms of long-term abstinence. If you're one of the real winners, you deserve more than a chip, you should get a medal and share your success with some of the scientists studying your program.

SO my message, and I do admit that I repeat it frequently, is that you are not a failure, if you are not among the 4% for whom AA works over the long haul and have failed to find long-term sobriety by using the traditional 12 step program.

If you are failing at 12 steps, it is time to look at other alternatives to support you in finding and maintaining a sober, sane, life. There are options. SMART Recovery works for some. Harm reduction models, work for others. Cognitive behavioral therapy wins the research bake-off hands down. Want blinking lights and sound with your CBT? Maybe EMDR is the route for you.

There are also new classes of medications to help ease urges. New awareness that most addicts of all sorts suffer from underlying mental health issues and that treating those issues may ease your triggers to self medicate.

Again, 12 step programs are the perfect program for those who achieve long-term abstinence using 12 steps. But even the most enthusiastic step advocates generally agree that adding a few modern touches, like supportive therapy, coaching, sober lifestyle training, case management with accountability, and other tools, can amp up the odds that your 12 step focused program will remain successful for you over the long-term.

I think there are plenty of truly anti-12-step folks out there. If you're looking for someone who truly detests the model, Jack Trimpey and other good folks who have had genuinely ugly AA experiences, have plenty of online sites for you to visit to share any anger you feel toward the program.

Lose The Booze is about finding your positive and genuinely sustainable place of sobriety, without shame, guilt, or the constant fear that you will fail.

I believe that you and I are powerful, beautiful, and intelligent people who can benefit from decades of advances in research based treatment alternatives.

I am certain that we all need help along the way.
I admit that I find listening to the failure stories and drunk-a-logs of sad, people who believe that they are powerless, is the very last thing to help me maintain my hard-earned long-term sobriety.

Isn't it wonderful that there is more than one road?

Margaret Gold

It's After Thanksgiving and Someone wants to Know How to Stop Drinking...Without AA meetings

It's Black Friday and I have multiple emails asking how to stop drinking without AA.

I am so glad you asked. "Lose The Booze, " is Margaret Gold's book that describes not just how to quit drinking without AA meetings but also provides the research behind why you should quit drinking some other way than by running to your nearest church basement for guilt and shame hour.

If you are shopping for sobriety rather than a GameBoy47, we suggest getting some up to date, research based information on what works and what, like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) does not, for most people.

You may find that losing the booze is as simple as identifying your problem drinking behaviors, going over some strategies, provided in the book, and moving forward. You may also find that you need more help, more tips, and more ideas for how to support your decision to quit drinking. AA doesn't work for many people and we'll bet that many of you reading this have already done 90 in 90 and listened to drunk-a-logs at meetings.

We're not against trying AA to quit drinking except that the research backed information says your chances of success stink. And, we completely disagree with the belief that you are some flawed creature fully defective, who needs to be accountable to a group and sponsor who aren't likely to stay sober, longterm, themselves.

So, quit drinking. Stop the madness. Read the "Lose The booze" book and start living your best sober life.